You can’t define yourself solely based on your ties to other people and pretend its the entirety of who you are. You may be someone’s daughter, mother, girlfriend, wife, sister, aunt, co-worker, employee, boss…. but that’s not who YOU are. That’s just who you are in relationship to them. True identity is knowing who you are in relationship to YOU. Strip down all the labels that you think are what defines you. It’s not that it doesn’t matter if you are a gym enthusiast, foodie, hipster, soccer mom, artist, career woman, or even President of the United States! (I’ll never give up on you girl) What you do…who you are in relationship to other people… these things don’t define you.

Identity comes from within.


It’s knowing if you feel a sense of utter joy when you see a dog playing in the park, or a sense of relief when you go for a walk in the woods. Does your soul yearn for travel to exotic cities or do you find comfort in small quiet places? It’s knowing whether or not you’re comfortable being an openly empathetic crier or if you use humor to protect yourself from pain.

Identity is knowing who you are in times of struggle. Because identity is the building block of character.

When a family member dies, are you the one who writes the eulogy and makes the phone calls and keeps it together? Are you the one that can’t form a sentence for a week? Maybe you’re the one who doesn’t show up. There is no perfect way to react to grief, but understanding yourself makes the process easier. It makes you stronger during the dark days. Like when someone you love gets cancer and you take the kids, make food, and keep them laughing as often as possible; because if you stand still long enough to think about what’s happening, you might lose your mind.

Identity is knowing when your heart is hurt and why… and what you need to do to heal it. No amount of money will help you find yourself. There’s no app on your phone for it. You can’t just fill out a 20 question survey on Facebook and smile when it says you’re a creative extrovert or nod in agreement when they reveal you are a book worm introvert. Those are labels and labels are messy. What if you identify yourself as a book worm and you meet a musician? Are those two labels going to keep you from finding out if perhaps the other person’s soul compliments yours? Maybe on the outside you wouldn’t appear to FIT with each other. But on the inside, your souls could be singing the same tune.

Identity is being able to understand the song of your soul. It’s also the most important thing you need to understand about yourself before you do ANYTHING in life. If you don’t know WHO you are, then you can’t start your journey and expect it to turn out well. You can’t have intimacy until you have achieved identity, otherwise, you are just giving away a confused heart and asking someone to love you, when you don’t even know who YOU are. Same goes for the other person. If you know yourself, but the person you want to love has not established a solid identity, the relationship is doomed to fail. Because that person is asking you to love them, without knowing if they even love themselves. They don’t even know exactly who they are, yet they are asking you to love them anyway.

How can you really succeed in a career when you aren’t really sure what you want or how you feel? So many people wander aimlessly around Corporate America extremely unsatisfied because they hate their jobs. Listen, just because you CAN do something, doesn’t mean you SHOULD. If it doesn’t feel right, then you need to look into yourself and find out WHY. Once that question is answered, once you have truly found the arrow pointing in the direction your soul wants to go in, that’s when you can move forward. That’s when you have found yourself, and that’s when all the stars will begin to align.

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It’s time to shed your skin. Allow the layers of your former life to slowly peel away, revealing a fresher and happier version of you. You’re a newly bloomed flower, waiting to be plucked. An inner beast has awoken from a long, cold, and bitter winter. The beast inside you is strong. Filled with the confidence of knowing what it needs to feed on in order to satisfy its insatiable appetite. The fire within continues to burn and your need for more grows.Freedom

Are you out of control, or finally in control for the first time? Perhaps allowing yourself to spin out of control, to let go and explore who you are, is a form of control. A form of honesty. We all lie. Everyday we lie about so much. We lie about how happy we are in our marriages, with our jobs, with friends. We lie to our children; we lie to our bosses, co-workers, spouses, and parents. Worst of all is when we lie to ourselves. True happiness is being honest with yourself and those around you…. even if the truth sucks. Rip that life-sucking Band-Aid off before your soul dies. Life is to short to live a lie, to barely live, or kind of love.

Live freely and out loud! Love deeply. Make love or indulge fantastically whenever you want with whomever you want because you can. Don’t force yourself to label it as dating. Let it be exactly what it is. Be honest about it. Sometimes you might just want to be satisfied. That’s okay.

Sometimes you may be aching for a different kind of satisfaction. To fall madly deeply in love with someone who makes your heart burst. Someone who can see right into your soul, who can brighten the darkened corners of your mind with wisdom, ravage the needs of your sexual appetite, and laugh together with a full heart when something amuses you both. Perhaps you want someone who wants to explore the world with adventurous enthusiasm, taking it all in, enjoying the magic of life. That’s okay.

Sometimes you’ll want to be alone and just think of who you really are. To look at your own face in the mirror and recognize the person staring back at you; to not be afraid or ashamed of your own thoughts or actions. But to be proud of who you are and the choices you make because they are the real you living out loud! That’s okay.

No more hiding behind fake titles. No more boring conversations with people you don’t like. No more obligations that need to be filled that waste your time. No more YES when you want to say NO. And no more NO when inside you’re screaming YES!

Feel your heart pounding inside your chest with purpose and direction. Feel every emotion fully and honestly, even if it sucks, because pretending you don’t feel doesn’t work. Its just another lie we tell ourselves so that we can appear okay to those around us. So that when we look in the mirror we can say, “I’m fine”. You need to look in the mirror when you’re not fine and say, “I’m not fucking fine at all. I’m a shit show right now. I’m completely out of control.”

Because you would never want someone to lie to you, so why is it okay if you lie to yourself? It’s not. Be as honest with yourself as possible because you’re awesome and deserve the best. You deserve to be the happiest version of yourself.

No more self-medicating to blur the lines of your reality. You can’t think it away, drink it away, smoke it away…. you can’t distract yourself twenty four hours a day in hopes that it won’t come back. REALITY is REAL and if you don’t face it, it will rear its ugly head in some garbage form and strip you down until you feel nothing but darkness. Because when you continue to lie to yourself, to self-medicate, to pretend that everything is fine when its not, you are slowly killing yourself. You are replacing the real you with an impostor; a darker, sadder version of you. And for what? Because society says so? Because you have to look a certain way, act a certain way, be a certain way in order to fit in? What exactly are we all trying to fit into? Most people I know are just living lies.

STOP LYING TO YOURSELF. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and start all over again. But this time…do it for you.

*Welcome to the blog series SHE LAWS. A new dawn for women and anyone that supports them.

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Butterflies Forever

Here is the first teaser trailer for “Butterflies Forever” book 3 of the series due out summer 2017! If you need to catch up you can find “Butterflies Wake” and “Butterflies Rising” on Amazon in paperback and ebook!

Butterflies Forever trailer

Now is the time to strike- to breathe life into our organization- and show the world that we will not go quietly into the night. The world needs to be reminded that we belong, and our lives and our rights matter and should not be questioned. We are at war, and as with any war it is certain, that there will be casualties.”- Lexi


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Millis Author Donates Buddy Bench

Click here to read story: Clyde F. Brown Elementary School Buddy Bench


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“Outside The Circle” inspires Buddy Benches in Massachusetts

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